I’ve experienced Berlin from two sides. In a way, the sides are polarised.
When I arrived in Berlin 15 years ago from Novosibirsk, I had no emotional intelligence, bad English and German, no emotional support, very damaging self image and experiences from home. Back then, I was broke, struggling with German (and frankly everything) in the uni and with my mini jobs in service. Many people living in Germany who work in service jobs treat very obvious foreigners with nothing but disregard. So on top of all that crap that I brought with me, I was dealing with very destructive systematic discrimination. The fact that my visa only allowed me to work 20 hours a month and my visa could have been rejected at any moment was not helpful to my mental health. So early 2010, being in Berlin, young, poor and dumb – I found my escape in (surprise, Berlin) all the parties, booze and drugs.
That certainly did not help.
Somewhere around 2020 I quit drinking, taking drugs and smoking. And I basically become nomadic. March 2024 I got the German passport. I had to refuse my Russian citizenship for that.
Now, at the end of 2025, I’ve just returned after long years of living all over the world – back to Berlin, to Prenzlauer Berg, where I’ve had the worst time of my life.
Today, I speak German, I am a founder in progress, I am not miserably poor and I run into people in Yoga studios and supermarkets and we have small talk and we meet for lunch later.
I go to Bare and Reformer pilates classes and get my groceries at the Bio shops.
I don’t work a job that I don’t like, I am taking my time to build something I truly believe in. Also, if someone is mean to me – I don’t take in personally or I simply exert myself out of the situation.
Damn, if I could find this way of living back in 2009 when I first got here, it would have been beautiful. What a city. What opportunities. Safety, diversity, fun. But I did not find it in 2009. It was not there for me because I did not have it in me. And as much as I wish that it would have been different, I wouldn’t be so amazed by Berlin in 2025. It took me a while to enjoy this heavy, very emotionally loaded city, and I still fail sometimes. Just like this whole “Woke and high emotional intelligence” fails me sometimes. It’s who I am and if I can own it – maybe then, Berlin will accept me being back here, like the lost kid that I am. Like it does to all of us.
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