I’m closely following a Russian coach in Germany with a successful Telegram channel. She’s smart, coaches Russian women (in Russia and abroad) on soft skills for Europe – emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, boundary-setting, the usual. Her content comes from respected English sources, but it’s all delivered in Russian. LinkedIn shows 100 connections, so basically no presence in the European professional world.
I feel an inexplicable dislike toward her.
I ask myself why. Is it because she’s not my friend? Jealousy? Because she teaches people how to navigate the Western world without speaking the language properly – without actually being part of this reality?
Or maybe… because I’m so much better integrated, and yet she’s the one teaching Russian speakers how to operate in Europe?
I have a theory that certain Russian women – successful, smart, operating in this specific way – activate the parts of me I’m not proud of. The parts from Novosibirsk, from my first years in Germany. The version of me that wasn’t yet… the current me, who is also a work in progress.
There’s a pattern I notice: I feel a strong disconnect from people who moved from Russia recently. Especially those who stay in the Russian bubble while coaching others about European integration.
What bothers me on the surface is that she’s building a business teaching soft skills about a culture she’s not fully in. Translating Western frameworks into Russian without the lived integration. It feels like… arbitrage? Cultural intermediary without full citizenship in either world?
But isn’t that exactly what I’m doing? I’m Russian-born, multilingual, working in cybersecurity education. Teaching European companies about threats while carrying my own Russian context.
Maybe I dislike her because she mirrors something I haven’t reconciled in myself. The tension between who I was and who I’m becoming. The question of whether you can truly teach integration while staying partially outside.
Or maybe it’s simpler – I’m jealous that she found her audience in the Russian-speaking market while I’m trying to prove myself in English/German-speaking Europe, the “harder” path.
The crucial point is… When someone triggers you this hard, it’s usually about you, not them. The question isn’t “why don’t I like her” – it’s “what does my dislike reveal about what I’m still figuring out about myself?”
No conclusions, just sitting with the discomfort of recognizing that the person who annoys you most might be showing you your own unresolved shit.
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