“But okay, you are one of the integrated ones” – a dude said to me at an all-German party. Yikes.

How magically “integration” is understood as “assimilation” in Germany beats me every time.

Having lived and built my life in Berlin as a Russian immigrant, I catch that stench crawling into conversations. It’s the superiority.

A colleague casually asking if I could recommend friends… because she needed a cleaner
When locals assume the German way is the only correct way
When immigrants with the same or better education ending up on lower salaries is treated as the default
When holding C2 German and still being ruled out for leadership roles
Treating giving up other passports to get the German one as a blessing – what could be better than a German passport, esp when you are coming from a country Germany is now actively cancelling?
My favorite – when a shop owner offers me a cleaning job (I was already in a senior EdTech role, so no thanks)

Super yikes, but when it was happening to me… I did not even push back. It’s ok, I guessed – I am a guest here, I gotta change. But it never happened, I just struggled more.

This superiority does not help Germany right now. Because being superior means you’re likely to complain and assess risks (Germany’s specialty) but not proactively DO things to change what’s not working.

I really don’t think Germany needs its foreigners to assimilate.

After 16 years in Germany I am telling people to back off when they give me tips on how to do it “the right German way”. Some of this advice comes with care, but 90%? It’s a Tipp I didn’t ask for.

I KNOW what the German way would look like. I CHOOSE to take another route.

Btw I always say that I’m a Berliner by now. And some locals… say that too. Not many, but it happens.

I have no other home. My densest, best cluster of friends and people who inspire me live here. I see the mess and hypocrisy Berlin can be – and I accept it. Just like you accept a home.

Btw I’ve just spent 15 minutes on the phone with a bureaucrat from the Finanzamt – the kindest, most helpful guy – who helped me navigate my self-employed tax mess, and he did the thing ChatGPT said is impossible – he fixed my mistake free of charge.

I guess there’s hope for us after all 🙂